Someone just asked me what were some of the reactions I received when I first came out the closet about my sexuality. I thought I’d share my response with you guys as well.
I used to live life on the down low. When I got saved in late 2008, one of the first things that God began to deal with me about was my sexuality. In the summer of 2009, I decided to come out (not as openly gay, but as openly delivered). I came out on Myspace by writing a blog about my struggle with homosexuality. Because I had a strong Christian network on my page, the majority of the reactions I received were positive. Most of the people who commented to me were inspired, motivated, encouraged, blessed or received hope from my testimony. Many people praised, gave honor to, and glorified God for my freedom. I received a lot of messages from unsaved men and women who were actively in the gay lifestyle but who wanted to come out, and from Christians in the Church who were struggling with unwanted same-sex attractions and wanted deliverance– they all sought me for help. I also received messages from people who had gay friends or family members, and they wanted me to give them advice about how to minister to their loved ones. Little did I know, my coming out story would create a platform for ministry.
But on the other side, I received quite a few attacks–Mostly from those who are pro gay, in support of the LGBTA movement and from hardcore atheists. They called me all sorts of derogatory names such as: gay, homo, faggot, sissy, punk, and down low bastard. They doubted my deliverance and called me a hypocrite and a confused soul. They figured that I was still sleeping around with men on the down low, or if not, I at least still fantasized about men or indulged in gay porn. Some told me that I was suppressing my innate desires, denying the truth about my sexuality, and lying to myself. They said that by me trying to change my sexuality, I was going to grow depressed, frustrated with myself and that I would probably grow suicidal once I found out I couldn’t change and that it’s: “once gay, always gay”. They said I was covering up my homosexuality by hiding behind the church and that I had been brainwashed by the Bible and the white man’s religion. Because I believe that homosexuality was a sin, I was told that I was being a bigot, homophobic, a gay basher, and judgmental. I received hate mail full of death threats, profanity and curses–they were wishing that I would go to hell. There were some gay men (from the world and in the church) who heard about my story and tried to see if I was really delivered or not by flirting with me and trying to hook up with me–they were being stumbling blocks. They tried to reassure me that I was born gay and that I didn’t need to change because God loved me just the way I was.
I also got some subtle attacks from my family, who are not born again believers. They didn’t attack or confront me to my face, (I guess because they didn’t know how to approach me about my sexuality) but my testimony spread to the whole family, and I received word from third parties about how family would call me names, gossip, and whisper about me behind my back to one another.
Coming out was not easy at all. I felt vulnerable, exposed, naked, embarrassed, and ashamed most of the time. I had to often explain myself to a lot of people. There were so many mixed reactions. But the positive reactions I received and all the hundreds of people who I was able to be a blessing to, outweighed the negative reactions from the few people who were hostile with me. Thank you to everyone who has ever supported me or has given me a positive or encouraging word over the years– Especially those of you who were my friends since MySpace days. You know who you are. Because of the attacks, I wanted to stop sharing my testimony and stop being transparent. But you guys helped me get through my hardest, darkest times.
Watch “My Coming Out Story” on YouTube