EX-Porn Addict

Mark 9:47
“And if your eye causes you to stumble, pluck it out. It is better for you to enter the kingdom of God with one eye than to have two eyes and be thrown into hell…”

Hebrews 12:1
“… let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which so easily besets us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us.”

Pornography has had a stronghold over my life for almost 10 years. I was introduced to it in the 7th grade (by both classmates and family members), and the addiction followed me all the way through college, even after I got saved. It destroyed my mind and distorted my view on how I saw both women and men. I wanted to be free from the cycle, but in order to overcome my addiction, I had to apply the two aforementioned Scriptures to my life. Keep Calm. I didn’t actually gouge my eyes out. (This photoshopped image is just an exaggeration of what it would look like if I did. Thank God I didn’t take Jesus’ words literally, right? Lol).

But as an alternative to me cutting out my eyes, I started cutting off every access I had to pornography. I had to lay aside every weight that held me back from my full deliverance and from running with endurance the race that was set before me.

In just one day, God instantly took away my desire for pornographic magazines, VHS tapes and DVDs. It was sometime in the beginning of 2009, a few months after I got saved, when I was watching porn in my dorm room, and I suddenly felt the Holy Spirit sit next to me on my bed. The atmosphere became so thick as if I was on holy ground. I felt so filthy in the presence of a Holy God, and I knew I was being watched. The light had shinned in my darkness and I felt exposed. I became so convicted, I took all of the sexual pictures and movies I had, broke and/or ripped them up, put them in a plastic garbage bag and threw it in the dumpster. I have never went back.

God later convicted me about throwing away any books I had with sexually explicit content in them, including novels by Zane. At one point in time, I used to have satellite cable, which I used to watch the Playboy channel on when no one else was home. But that subscription was soon canceled. Cutting off all these avenues to pornography was easy for me to do, but staying away from Internet porn was the hardest, because I actually needed the Internet to take care of other important things, like: school work, job-related work, to pay bills, check email, etc.

But here’s the good news! It’s been over one year now since I have been without Internet at home! I didn’t get it turned off to avoid watching porn, but only because I can’t afford Internet right now. However, I did notice that ever since my Internet subscription got cut off, my struggle with porn decreased drastically! Sadly, when I purchased my first smart phone with Internet on it and found out that I could watch porn on there, I backslid and ended up watching it on there a couple times. But one day when I was downloading a porn clip, I received a pop up warning that said I was going to catch a virus if I did so. That freaked me out because I remember when I caught a virus on my laptop for watching porn and my laptop crashed. I didn’t want the same thing to happen to my phone, so I haven’t watched porn on my phone ever since. So, I basically cut off every access that porn had to my life (books, magazines, satellite, VHS tapes, DVDs, Internet, cell phone, etc.)

I’ve also been under the wing of Shelley Lubben, who is an ex-porn star! She taught me what really goes down in the porn industry. It’s definitely not glamorous. Through reading her book: “Truth Behind The Fantasy of Porn” and by reading up on all the porn facts provided through her anti-porn ministry “The Pink Cross Foundation”, it has given me a new found hatred for porn. Every time I click on a porn site, I’m contributing to the destruction of countless sex slaves in the porn industry. I don’t want to support something that is destroying lives.

I’m learning to give no foothold to the devil and no provision for the flesh. Through the help of God and ministries that advocate sexual healing, I’m managing to stay free from porn. Freedom is so refreshing!! I encourage you guys to do whatever you have to do in order to get/stay free as well. Cut off your resources to porn! Read up on how destructive it is. Stay prayed up. Ask for help. Know that freedom is possible, and forgiveness is provided through the blood of Jesus Christ.