I was just having a conversation with some friends about this infamous question: “Who comes first: the Wife or the Mother?”
Let’s go to the word of God to see what it has to say about this.
Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and the two shall become one flesh.
Well, there you have it. When a man gets married, he can no longer be a momma’s boy. He has to let go of his mother’s skirt and become the head of his new family.
Men, show honor and respect to your mother, for this pleases the Lord. If you can learn how to honor and respect your mother, then when you get married, you should be able to demonstrate that same honor and respect to your wife as well. But you definitely don’t want to be a man who’s going to put your mother before your wife. That’s out of order, according to the Scriptures.
A lot of men who get married have problems in their relationship because they either forget to LEAVE their mother and father or they haven’t learned how to CLEAVE to their wife. You have to do BOTH in order to have a successful marriage.
I had to learn that in my own marriage. I’ve been married for only one year now, and in the early stages, like the first few months, it was hard for me to “leave” my mom because she’s a single parent mother and I felt obligated to step up and be the man of the house in the absence of my father. My mother and I have also been by each other’s side for the past 24 years of my life, so we have a history with a lot of experience together. I couldn’t imagine life without my Momma. We were like best friends, have gone through many storms together, have confided in each other, laughed with each other, cried in each other’s arms. We have always been there for each other emotionally and financially. We have always referred to ourselves as being “two peas in a pod”.
When I got married, it felt like I was being forced to forsake a woman I had been in a relationship with for two decades for another woman, whom I had only been in a relationship with for nearly two years. Like Latoya Luckett would say, “I’m torn inbetween the two!” But as hard as it was, once I got married, I had to learn how to place my mom second to my wife. When I took my vows, I vowed to be faithful to my wife and to forsake all others. That means I had to forsake all women, including my own mom, the closest woman to me in my entire life! I had to learn the hard way how to leave, or forsake my mom when it came to emotional and financial stability. Not saying that I could never seek for her help in rough seasons of my life. But rather, I had to learn how not to vitally depend on her in these areas, as if she’s my main life support. I even had a vision one day earlier in my marriage of me as a baby attached to my mother via the umbilical cord, but then the cord got cut. That vision confirmed to me that it was time to cut the support I was receiving from my mom off. I could no longer commit [emotional] adultery against my wife with my mom. I cannot have two wives!
I had to learn how to politely keep my mom out of my most intimate marital affairs and how not to vent to her about what’s going on with me and my wife. That should be for me and my wife to work out between ourselves only. I had to learn how to fulfill my wife’s requests first before I would go run to help my mom every time she would call me for help. I had to learn how to make sure my marriage was in order. My mother will always be my mother, dearly beloved. We still have a good relationship. And if I can do anything for her, I will. But at the end of the day, I have to go home and sleep with my wife, not my mom. So I have to make sure that there’s peace in my home between me and my wife, for a house that’s divided against itself cannot stand. Plus, I’m going to be held accountable to God for my wife, not my mother.
Some married men haven’t learned this leaving and cleaving concept yet. But it’s vital for him to learn this if he wants his relationship to work. If not, then he oughta just stay single and under momma’s skirt. No wife has time to fight another woman over her own husband. She especially don’t have the time to fight her own mother-in-law over him. No husband should make his wife feel like she had to fight for his love, affection and attention. He should assure and affirm his wife that she’s first in his life (second only to God).
Mothers, you have to learn to let your son go. He’s not your baby boy any more. He’s a grown man. A family man! Stop cleaving to him. Let him cleave to his wife!