I was raised as the only child, by a single-parenting mother. So my mom was my best friend. But whenever I got a new friend my age, I would cling to them. Then when my mom and I would move away, I’d have to leave my friend behind. Othertimes, when I would be promoted from one grade to the next, knowing that I may not see the same classmates the next year because some of them transfer to other schools, that had a toll on me too. I used to hate losing friends. I used to hate when friends cut me off. I developed a fear of rejection. And to protect myself from being hurt again by a loss in a friendship, I’d just rather cut you off, before you ever get a chance of cutting me off.
But at the same time, I had a conflicting void in my heart that longed for a friendship. So I would compromise the little morals that I did have to gain one. Whether it meant me going through some form of initiation or giving my body over to please you, I just wanted attention and acceptance. I went through this cycle most of my life. Giving money and candies to girls or being a “do-boy” so that they can be my friend, or having sexual relations with other men so I can keep them close to me. I struggled with bisexuality because I didn’t know which sex I wanted to be “friends” with. But then in late 2008, in the middle of my mess, a voice spoke to me while I was in my bedroom and said it wanted to be my friend. That voice was of Jesus Christ. He is saving me from the void in my heart that thinks that I NEED people to feel special. Jesus told me that he wanted to be my best friend. And when I told him that I didn’t want to be his friend, because I [thought] I was in love with someone else, he told me that he can love me better than that other person can, because He IS Love. This is a true story. And with tears welling up in my eyes as I write this, I just thank Jesus so much for being my friend and calling me his beloved. I aim to be as faithful to him as he was, is and will continue to be to me.