In 2010, I ended a significant relationship of two years with someone whom I thought would be my wife. After coping through the devastating heartbreak, I made a prayer to God: “Lord, here is my heart and the key that goes to it. I give it to you locked. Please don’t allow my love to be awakened again before it is time.” I told God that if it was his will for me to get married, that I didn’t even want to choose my wife. (I tried to choose on my own, and it was an epic fail.) So I left it completely up to Him to add on to me whomever He saw fit, whenever He saw fit. I didn’t tell God what my ideal wife was—I didn’t give Him a list of preferences.
That same year is when I met Deborah. I found out we went to the same church: One Body In Christ In Love Ministries, in Miami Gardens, Florida. I never really noticed her before. We were only acquaintances and may have spoken here and there after service. Eventually, after getting her associates degree at Miami Dade College, she transferred to my school, Florida International University, to pursue her bachelors. During this transition is when we started to see each other more often.
Deborah and I became avid members of our church’s college outreach ministry called “Go Get Cain.” Consequently, we spent a lot of our free time evangelizing with each other on campus. It was only then that she began to stick out to me. Seeing her serving God was a big attention grabber for me, because I loved girls who loved Jesus. I would notice how she labored for the Kingdom through prayer, fasting and evangelism. I admired her because she had a humble spirit and a heart of worship. But even then, I never developed any desire to pursue her as a wife. I only saw her as a sister in Christ who was becoming a close friend.
Fast Forward: Over 2 ½ years later, on May 1, 2012, I had a dream that revealed Deborah and I would be getting married, and when I woke up from my dream, I heard God audibly speak to me and he said, “THIS IS YOUR WIFE. FOR I HAVE GIVEN HER UNTO YOU.” I jumped up out the bed and in disbelief, I decided to just ‘hang the dream up in the closet’. I didn’t want to reveal the dream to Deborah prematurely or out of season, in fear of scaring her off or causing her to think I was crazy. (Heck, I thought I was going crazy.) So I kept it to myself until I felt led to talk to her about it. Meanwhile, every time I would see her at church, I would hear the Spirit of God confirm to me, “This is your wife.” “I have given her to you.” “You are going to marry her.” “She’s the one.”
No matter how many times I tried to ignore it, rebuke it, reject it or suppress it, the voice kept getting louder and louder in my head. The Bible teaches that faith comes by hearing, and by hearing the word of God. I eventually decided to receive the word that I believe God was giving to me. I knew by faith that Deborah was going to be my wife.
However, I didn’t want to pursue her only based off of a dream I had, though, because I knew that according to Ecclesiastes 5:3, dreams and imaginations can sometimes conjure themselves up based on the many cares in our lives. So I asked God that if it was indeed his will for us to be together, to give me more confirmations, which I received several of. (I’d rather take my time and be sure, than to rush into it and make a mistake.) So for the second confirmation, I told God, “If this is the wife whom you have chosen for me, then open a door of opportunity for us to discuss the topic of marriage.
So one day, on June 12, 2012, about a month after I had the dream, Deborah and I were texting, and we innocently sidetracked from our conversation and somehow got on the subject of marriage, and it freaked me out because it happened so randomly. Then, in the middle of us texting, I felt the unction of God to follow up and pursue her. Nervous, I backed out and told God, “No. This can’t be happening! I’m afraid to pursue her. What if she rejects me?” Then I heard the Spirit of God speak to me and say, “PURSUE AFTER HER. IF I HAVE GIVEN HER TO YOU, SHE WILL NOT REJECT YOU, FOR MY BLESSINGS CANNOT BE REVOKED.”
Then I told God that before I pursue her, I needed just one more confirmation. So, a few hours later, my mom picked me up from work and when I got in the car, she randomly asked me, “Hey son. How is your future wife doing?” Mind you, I have never had a conversation with my mom about what was going on. So I asked her what prompted her to ask such a question, because I was actually pondering about the idea of marriage right before I got in the car. Then she responded, “I have no idea what led me to ask that question. But if you were thinking about marriage before I asked you, then just take it as a confirmation.” After that third confirmation, I knew that God was leading me to get married to Deborah.
When I got home from work that evening, God released me to call Deborah on the phone and share my revelation with her. To my surprise, God had already dealt with her about me being her future husband. He revealed it to her 2 ½ years earlier when we first met. Her confession became the final confirmation I needed. 2 Corinthians 13:1 says, “In the mouth of two or three witnesses shall every word be established.” Within those 2 ½ years that she knew, she waited patiently for me to pursue her. She never enticed me, seduced me, or gave me any hints or clues. When I inquired of her as to why she never told me that she already knew, she answered, “It was not my job to tell you. The Bible says, “When a man finds a wife, he finds a good thing–not when a woman finds a husband.”” To read her side of the story on how she knew I would be her husband, visit her blog post here.
After praying to God together, seeking counsel from our spiritual leaders, and then getting permission from our parents, we received all of their blessings. Then, after receiving specific instruction from God in another dream, we got engaged at our church on July 21, 2012. Our two-year engagement process was quite the experience and I learned as much about myself as I did about her during that season of our lives. Our wedding day on June 28th, 2014 was simply incredible. To watch our wedding video, click here. Having been married for three years today, I am truly learning what it means to love my wife as Christ loves the Church. I know that God has a great purpose for our lives, and that our marriage will be used for the purpose of ministry and to build up the Kingdom.
Having been in several failed relationships in my past, God had to teach me how to build my relationship upon the rock, which is His Word, and not on the sand, which is my emotions and my flesh. When we allow God to choose our spouse for us, He gives us someone whom He knows has a heart that reflect His own; someone who is mature in the Spirit and who has the love and the anointing to handle marriage. God also taught me that it is possible to be unequally yoked with another believer. Just because you are both Christian doesn’t mean you should marry each other. God wants to make sure that our spouse is compatible with the assignment He placed on our lives.
Lastly, I learned that storms (or trials) are going to arise in everyone’s relationship—whether we do it God’s way or our own way. However, when we build our relationship God’s way, a storm may beat up against our home, but because it’s built on a strong foundation, it will not be destroyed. Only what God joins together, will no one or nothing be able to separate. I’m blessed because I know my marriage is ordained by God.
3 thoughts on “How I Found My “Good Thing””
How is this accomplished? Is it possible to ruin this? If the Lord’s blessings can’t be revoked, how can we attain? Even after making a mess? Can it be too late?
You’ve asked a great series of questions, and I cannot say with full confidence that I have the absolute answer to all of them.
In an attempt to answer your question(s), I do know that as King of kings, God is sovereign [and has reserved all rights and power to fulfill his word, to carry out whatever may be in his intended will, and to do so without interference].
But I also know that within his sovereignty, he has given mankind a measure of free will–the will to comply with his intended will or to rebel against it [simply the will to obey or disobey]. And I know that oftentimes, with our free will, we choose to do things that God wouldn’t co-sign on–things that are against his revealed will for our lives (consider how Adam ate the forbidden fruit after God told him not to, or how Moses struck the rock after God told him to speak to the rock, or how Jonah ran away to Tarshish after God told him to go to Nineveh). But even when we mess up [aka sin], God is well-able and is known throughout scriptures to extend mercy and forgiveness toward us, and to grace us with another chance to get it right. He gives mercy to whom he wants to give mercy, and judgment to whom he wants to give judgement. In the cases above, Jonah got a second chance to go to Nineveh after he repented and the fish spat him back onto the land, but Adam did not get a second chance at life, neither did Moses get a second chance to enter the Promised Land.
With that being said, tying it back to relationships, God may have predestined or ordained two individuals to get married, but those two individuals still have a part to play in the matter. They have to be willing to comply with the will of God. They can choose to get married to each other then get a divorce afterward, or choose to get married to someone else, or they can choose not to get married at all. There may even be a case where one individual accepts the will of God to get married, but the other party isn’t willing to accept God’s will. God isn’t going to revoke, or take back his intended will for the two of them to be together. It will always be his intended, sovereign will. But he will not force them to be together. He will allow that couple to be in his permissive will. That’s why you have to have two people who have a heart after God’s own heart.
We obtain the blessings of God by being obedient to his commandments. And even if we mess up, God is able to restore and grant a second chance, but that will be case by case, and again, it will be contingent upon the couple’s willingness to work things out between each other.
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