When God starts the process of delivering us from our sins, he starts in our heart, and he begins to do a work from the inside out.
Specifically regarding those of us who are overcoming HOMOSEXUALITY, many spectators expect to see immediate change in our outward appearance, how we dress, our mannerisms, our gender roles, our posture, how we stand, how we walk, the pitch in our voice, etc., and when they don’t see outward change, they are quick to judge us because they think we have not encountered true deliverance. But they fail to stop and think about what God may be doing in our hearts and minds.
Deliverance from homosexuality starts from the inside out. In our hearts, God is dealing with us on our identity first and foremost–letting us know that we are sons and daughters, not homosexuals and lesbians. By us spending intimate time with God by reading our Bibles, God’s teaching us that we were not created by Him to be gay, but that we were born from our mothers wombs into sin and shaped in iniquity; and due to our sinful nature, outside influences and our personal experiences in life, we’ve developed a proclivity to homosexuality. But God’s also teaching us that although we were born susceptible to this behavior, we can be born again through the receiving of the Holy Spirit by the renewal of our minds. God is reaffirming our original and preordained identity as either male or female. And he’s reaffirming his purpose for our sexuality, that is, to be fruitful and multiply with our spouse of the opposite sex.
God is reassuring us, despite what we’ve heard, that he doesn’t hate us as people; on the contrary, he loves us unconditionally but hates our lifestyle decisions because they go against his will for our lives. Through the baptism of the Holy Ghost, God is pouring out his love into our hearts so that we may be filled to overflow and made whole. As a result, we don’t have to go looking and searching for love through other people or through sex, because we already have a relationship with God, who is Love. We are fulfilled in Him.
In our hearts, God is restoring our hope that change is possible, because many of us fed into the lie of “once gay, always gay.” He’s restoring our nature as men to be leaders and not follows; pursuers, not the one being pursued. He’s shaping and molding us to be the top and not the bottom; the head and not the tail; the lender and not the borrower. For the women, he’s restoring their nature to be soft and feminine, not hard and masculine. He’s teaching them how to submits to man, instead of trying to compete with man. He’s teaching women how to be vulnerable and how to trust again. He’s reminding them that they are beautiful and precious, and teaching them to embrace their womanly qualities and curves, instead of hiding them under the baggy jeans and sports bras.
God is affirming us with his word, and he’s letting us know that our validation and identity can be found in his son Jesus Christ, so we don’t have to look for it among our heterosexual peers or among the LGBT community. God is delivering us from rejection, which caused most of us to turn to the gay lifestyle in the first place.
He’s giving us self control over our vessels, teaching us that our bodies are a holy temple and we shouldn’t just lay up with anyone in the bed. He’s delivering us from the shame, guilt and self condemnation that comes with the sexual promiscuity of that lifestyle. He’s letting us know that he washed our sins away with his blood, so we don’t have to feel bad anymore. He’s letting us know that there was an exchange on Calvary–That he became a homosexual for us so we can become the righteousness of God through faith.
Spectators don’t see all of this that’s taking place on the inside, though. All they see is our outward “residue,” saying things to us like, “You still sound gay,” “You still dress gay,” “You still act gay.”
But effeminate does not equate to homosexual. Tomboy does not equate to lesbian-stud. Femininity deals with having female-like mannerisms, homosexuality deals with having same-sex preference/desires. Just because you have soft, flamboyant or woman-like characteristics, doesn’t mean you have homosexual desires or that you actively participate in homosexual behavior. In the same manner, just because you are masculine doesn’t mean you are heterosexual. There are many gay men (open and dl) who are macho. And vice versa with the ladies. Just because she is a tomboy and feels more comfortable in pants, a t-shirt and sneakers, and doesn’t like dresses, heels and make-up doesn’t mean she is a stud or butch, or that she wants to be with other women. Not every lesbian dresses like a guy. There are some lipstick or femme lesbians, who choose to dress girly. That’s why you can’t judge a book by its cover.
While it’s true that some flamboyant behavior are picked up due to your role in the gay lifestyle (e.g. twist walk, flinging wrist, rolling eyes, popping tongue, etc.), that’s not always the case. Some men have never been introduced to homosexuality, but they’ve been raised by women and have picked up their flamboyance from their mother, aunts, or female cousins and friends, or involvement in the arts. Some women picked up their masculinity from being raised around more men, such as their fathers, brothers, male cousins and friends, or their involvement in sports.
While I do believe that God wants us as men to be generally masculine and women to be generally feminine, life happens. The way we are nurtured, or brought up in our environment plays a role in how we develop. And sometimes, it’s hard to change our mannerisms after we’re been groomed like that.
But God is able. Let’s keep praying that God builds our respective masculinity and femininity. But let’s not become discouraged when he doesn’t do it when we want him to. God is patient with us. So let’s be patient with ourselves. And let’s not try to conform to what society’s spectators says we should be. Let’s allow God to make us into who he wants us to be. God is the potter and we are the clay. We are in his hands; still a work in process, but in due time, we will be perfect as he is perfect.