In John 15:15 Jesus said to his disciples, “I no longer call you servants, but I call you friends. For a servant does not know his master’s business, but everything I have heard from my Father, I have made it known unto you.” Jesus spoke to the crowds in parables, but he spoke very clearly to his friends (Mark 4:34).
So you see here that a friend is someone who knows all your business. Just because we got a few things in common doesn’t mean I’m going to tell you all my business. I have to see who you are a SERVANT of first, before I can call you my FRIEND and let you in on the things I hold dear, intimate and personal to me. Jesus said in Matthew 7:6 not to give holy things to dogs and not to cast your pearls to swine.
With that being said, do you serve yourself, the devil, or God?
If you serve yourself, and I confess my struggles and weaknesses to you, or tell you my business, you aren’t going to really care about me enough to help me out if I am in need. You won’t be dependable, because you are self-centered. But even Jesus said he did not come to be served, but to serve (Mark 10:45). He came to lay his life down for his friends (John 15:13). A true friend will do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but rather, in humility, will consider others higher than themselves (Philippians 2:3).
If you serve the devil, you are my enemy, and you are going to take what I tell you and use it against me. For the enemy’s job is to steal, kill and destroy (John 10:10). You’re going to try to slander, defame and destroy my name. Proverbs 20:19 says, “A gossip betrays a confidence; so avoid a man who talks too much.” You’re going to try to get me to stumble and fall into sin (Matthew 18:6). You are going to seduce me into laying in your lap and telling you my weakness so you can destroy me (Judges 16).
If you serve God, then I should be able to trust you. Because if you serve God, then you are a friend of God (John 15:14). But I have to first test your fruit, to see if you are really of God or not (Matthew 12:33). The Bible says know those who labor amongst you (1 Thessalonians 5:12), for there are some false brethren that have crept into the church of God to draw us away from the faith (Galatians 2:4). Once I discern your spirit by the Word (1 John 4:1) and can testify that you are indeed a carrier of the Holy Ghost, then I can rest assured that you are my sibling. For the Bible says that as many as are led by the Spirit of God are sons of God, and if sons (and daughters), then we are siblings in Christ (Romans 8:14).
Then the Bible says in Proverbs 18:24 that a man that has friends must show himself friendly; another version says that a man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.
After I am sure that you serve God, and after I get to know you closely as my brother (or sister) in Christ, then I can build trust and intimacy with you and let you in to my personal life and call you my friend.