Excerpt from “God and Sexuality: Truth & Relevance Without Compromise” (by Janet Boynes)
My name is Davon Johnson and I am an overcomer. I have overcome sin. However, although I have overcome many different types of sin, there was one sin in particular that had a stronghold over my life, but I’m pleased to say I’m finally set free from—homosexuality.
I knew I wasn’t born gay. I was attracted to women exclusively up until the age of 13. But one sexual encounter in the seventh grade changed that. I was molested—not just by anyone, but by a family relative—a male cousin. Since it was the first time I was exposed to sexual behavior at that level, it was a very uncomfortable experience for me. I was nervous. Traumatized. I felt afraid. Violated. But the consecutive molestations that took place after that began to numb those convictions. After being molested repeatedly from one weekend visit to another, I went from being turned off, to being turned on, to eventually being turned out. I became so conditioned, I even transitioned from being a helpless victim to being a consensual participant during the sex acts.
The molestations weren’t the only thing that caused me to develop same sex desires. Porn addiction played a huge role in fueling my lust for men as well. Porn subconsciously forced me to pay closer attention to the anatomy of a man—their sturdy stature, their chiseled muscles, their smooth and clean-shaven skin, their oversized genitalia, their charming smiles. I admired the men who I saw on the screen and would often compare my body with theirs. Yet, because I wasn’t careful to guard my heart, my admiration for these men perverted into an infatuation for them. I began to create fantasies in my mind about the male actors on set. I didn’t just want to possess their unique physical qualities—I wanted to possess them, period.
As if being molested by a man and becoming addicted to gay porn wasn’t enough, the constant, piercing rejection I received from women my whole life was icing on the cake. That led me further down the path of homosexuality. I was led to believe that I wasn’t what women wanted in a man because I didn’t have buff muscles, dreads, tattoos, swag and money. But other men, on the other hand, seemed to accept me more unconditionally. They would call me cute, fine and sexy through emails. They would offer to take me out on dates, buy nice things for me, and knew how to rub me the right way. They made me feel wanted, accepted and loved, which boosted up my self-esteem, carnally, but brought great warfare to me, spiritually. I was conflicted in my soul, because I didn’t understand how the lifestyle I was indulging in could produce in me both pleasure and guilt at the same time.
Years later, I came to find out that God would not allow me to become fully comfortable in the homosexual lifestyle because that wasn’t his original plan for my life. Although I experienced many fun and pleasurable moments during my random, down low affairs with other men, not a single encounter could take away the feelings of guilt, shame, regret, remorse, self-condemnation, hypocrisy, depression, and hopelessness I felt. I was always left feeling unhappy, unsatisfied and unfulfilled afterward. Soon, the convictions that were numbed out earlier on in my life began to come back even stronger. I wanted to live a guilt-free life again. A life of sexual purity. A life of victory. A life of redemption. A life that glorified God. So I accepted Jesus into my life as my lord and savior.
Jesus has since taught me how to find love, identity, purpose, acceptance, affirmation and forgiveness in Him—not in other people, places or things. He has helped me to overcome my 10 year addiction to pornography, taught me how to have self-control over my body and how to say no to sexual advances made toward me. Furthermore, he has exchanged my preference for men with a preference for a wife. I am now married as of June 28, 2014 to my virtuous wife, Deborah Johnson. I am free. And I’m not going back to bondage.