This is a conversation that I had with God back in June 2009. And yes, God does talk to me like this. I did not make this conversation up from the top of my head. Read the Bible and see how he communicated with people in it. Exodus 33:11 (The Lord would speak to Moses face to face, as one speaks to a friend.)

Me: “It feel as if I am on one side of a glass door, on the inside, in God’s house/kingdom (with salvation), but there are soooo much things to do on the other side of the door, outside, in Satan’s playground (in the world). I’m tired of being locked up in this house. O, how I want to go outside and play!!! It’s so tempting. I feel like I keep pounding on the barrier that God put up to protect me, and eventually, with my eagerness to get to the other side, the glass will break and I will be swallowed up by the world.” (Romans 1:24, 26 Therefore, God gave them over in the sinful desires of their hearts and their shameful lusts.)

God: “What you hear and see is just a test that I’m putting you through, because I know that you can fight these temptations and I know that you can escape them! (1 Corinthians 10:13 There is no temptation overtaken you that is not common to man. But God is faithful and will not put on you more than you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also make a way of escape.) (James 1:12 Blessed are those who preserve under trail, because when they have stood the test, they will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him.) You have the mind of Christ. (1 Corinthians 2:16) You’re a new person. Old things have passed away and you’re a new creature!!” (2 Corinthians 5:17)

Me: “But God, what I see and hear are so enticing, and at the same time, they feel like insults being thrown at me. How are you going to deliver me from something, then keep putting me back in the situations to test my actions and see if I will remain faithful? You know I might stumble. You know I want to go back!!

God: (Luke 22:40 Pray that you will not fall into temptation.) (James 1:13-15 When tempted, no one should say, “God is tempting me.” For God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does he tempt anyone; but each one is tempted when, by his own evil desire, he is dragged away and enticed. Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death.)

Me: Lord, I feel overwhelmed and engulfed by my old ways and the ways of this world. I want to go back so bad, not to stay, but just to see what’s new or see if I would feel the same way about it as once before. How far can I stretch away from you in order to feed my lusts, without actually sinning against you? I don’t want to hurt you, you know I don’t!! You know my heart is not set out on doing evil intentionally. I just be caught up in the moment.

God: (1 John 3:9 No one who is born of God will continue to sin, because God’s seed remains in him; he cannot go on sinning, because he has been born of God.)

Me: My soul is troubled.

God: (John 16:33 In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.) (Matthew 11:28-30 Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”)

Me: You got an answer for everything? Huh God?

God: “Your deliverance is like a cut on the skin. If you keep taking the band aid off and looking and worrying about the cut, then you expose it to bacteria and dirt. You haven’t completely had faith and trust that the band aide/Holy Spirit is healing your wound, therefore, because of your little faith, you delay the healing process. Your deliverance is also like one who keeps watch of the clock. If you keep your eyes on it, will continue to look as if it’s not really moving or that it’s moving too slow. You delay the time process. You are like a caterpillar who metamorphosize into a butterfly, but because of ignorance, keep crawling on the ground instead of flying. You are a new creature in Christ, but you keep crawling in your sins. (1 Corinthians 15:34 Come back to your senses as you ought, and stop sinning; for there are some who are ignorant of God—I say this to your shame.)

Me: Okay, God, I see that you can’t completely heal me if I’m not willing to just let go of my desires and insecurities and just let You. Your trying to clean up my wounds and put antibiotics on it, and stitch me up, but I keep jumping back in fear. You said that I should take heart, because my faith will heal me.
God, I know that you can heal me, but that’s exactly the problem. I know that if I allow you to take it away from me, that you will do it. If I ask anything in your name according to your will, I know I have it… But I don’t know if I’m ready to give it up completely. I know I will miss it. I give you my problem at alter calls, but when I leave the alter; I snatch it back out of your hands. Then, I know that if I do give it to you completely and you heal me, that you would want me to share my testimony to others about how you delivered me. And I don’t really want to do that. Im shy and embarrassed of what I do in secret.

God: (John 3:19-21 This is the verdict: Light has come into the world, but men loved darkness instead of light because their deeds were evil. Everyone who does evil hates the light, and will not come into the light for fear that his deeds will be exposed. But whoever lives by the truth comes into the light, so that it may be seen plainly that what he has done has been done through God.”) Unless you past this test and get past this stage in your journey, then you can’t go further in me. Just be obedient and an open vessel for me. I will not harm you. I will help you. If I am for you, who can be against you? (2 Corinthians 12:9 My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.) I want to show you what you’ve never seen, I want to take you where you’ve never been. I never said it would be easy, in this life you got to fight, but with me as your trainer, you won’t go wrong with my advice. Don’t give up on this walk, I am with you now and even up until the end of time. (Matthew 26:41 The spirit is willing, but the body is weak.) Let Me be your strength.

Me: Ok God, I am willing to do your will. It’s not about me, it’s about serving and helping others and giving you all the praise and honor. It’s about denying myself so that I can be a disciple of you. If I can’t deny myself for your sake, then I’m not worthy of being a Christian. If Christ died for me, then the least I can do is live for him. I surrender my all. I’m going to stop banging on the barrier. I’ll stay on the inside, in your comfort. I have faith.

God: (John 5:14 See, you are well again. So stop sinning or something worse may happen to you!)

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